I hope I developed over time. Changed, grew, expanded without being invasive. Changed my focus in life. Changed my tune. I would not for the life of me, like to be who I was some ten years ago. For me change has to do with un-learning. A lot of what I learned as a child, as a youngster, as a young adult, seems to be unneeded, unnecessary, redundant. Harmful even. Sometimes.
Winter is since old times the season of introspection. Nature turns inward. Light turns inward. My mind turns inward. When writing my Christmas cards I ponder over yet another year gone by.
It’s heartbreaking to end a friendship. But it can be necessary. I recently had such an experience with a friendship of over 15 years. He never moved on since when I first got to know him. The stories, complaints, his focus on life is exactly what it was 15 years ago. I did move on.
Although the friendship once was deep — he would be among the first I would call if I ran in to trouble of any kind — I now perceived it as a burden. I stopped contacting him long time ago. He would call me occasionally. I would try to be as not interested as politely possible on such occasions. The message never got through though.
So some minutes into our last phone call, I stopped his story and explained what bothered me. Wished for him to move on, to see himself, to take responsibility for his own life and his own actions (or rather the lack of actions in his case). He didn’t take it well. He doesn’t like to be criticized, which is exactly the core of his problems with and in life.
I concluded the call stating that I would appreciate it if he did not call me again. I wished him well and disconnected.
I lost some sleep over that. I wasn’t sure I did the right thing. When writing my Christmas cards last week, I came across his name and address. I skipped it and for the first time after the breakup, felt relieved.
I truly hope my friend of old times does well for himself. And I am glad I am not a part of his life any longer.
It took me a while to understand, but all this, the growing apart, the experienced friction and annoyance, disgust even, it has to do with choice and change. Not change per se, but change out of choice, out of deliberate action. It has to do with having a goal in life, with aiming for that, with working on it, with focussing and guiding yourself towards that goal, taking a risk, dare, take the next step. It has to do with insight, with taking responsibility, with purpose, with leading your own life — literally.
When you find your purpose, even though it will take you off the path you perceived as the right one up till then, go for it. It means unlearning though. Leaving behind. Things, patterns, habits, ideas, people. Not because they are not on the same path. How could they be? They have a path of their own to follow. Leaving behind, because things, habits, ideas and some people have no path at all. What doesn’t move, will stop you if you cling to it.
Once you know your purpose and your goal, changing your course and moving on, away from all that you once knew to be true, is the only thing left to do. After all, why would you stay on a path that is not yours, guiding you towards a goal that is not yours?
I wish you happy holidays and many happy walkings _/|\_