So, I got sick last night. Or rather early in the morning. Sick to such a degree that I woke up in a filthy bed.
I got up, cleaned myself, got all the bed linen into the washing machine, put fresh sheets and covers on the bed, pulled the dog close to me, and went back to sleep.
Three hours later the washing machine woke me up. It was a bright day already, so I got up. Pounding headache and all.
I hung the wet linen outside to dry and made myself some coffee with ginger. I told the neighbour I was not going to cook lunch today on account of me being sick.
And then I sat down, smiling in the morning sun.
Then I realised: something changed. Something changed drastically. A couple of years ago I would have been soooo veeerrryyyy sick (!) you wouldn’t believe it. I would have pitied myself, been angry at everyone and everything, almost panicked at the thought of having to cancel lunch with the neighbour. I would not have known how to handle my filthy bed properly. I would have probably just have moved on to the guest bed to find the disaster the next morning to be far worse and still not knowing what to do. I would have thought thoughts like “Why does this happen to me?” “Why are things always like this?” “Why do I have to be so alone in this?” “Why is no one ever helping me out?” “Why now?” “I can’t do this.” “I feel so sick.” “Fuck this world. I hate you too.”
Instead, after the initial “Damn!” when waking up, I got up and did what had to be done. Not only that, although I was feeling physically not fit at all, I enjoyed part of it. The early morning shower, the smell and feel of fresh bed linen, my lovely, silly dog that followed me everywhere and was very pleased when I got back to bed. Satisfied all was back to normal, he curled up against me, his little snout in my armpit, and fell asleep within seconds. And then, this morning, hanging up the clean wet linen outside made me feel so very alive. The taste of my coffee with the ginger after that. Even the “Get well” wish of my neighbour was something I enjoyed.
When did this happen? When did I finally grow up? Is it my Zen training? Or perhaps it is just getting older 🙂
Either way, I’m pleased with it. Because, well, hear that robin singing?
I wish you peaceful days _/|\_