The last couple of days I’ve been feeling very tired. Right into my bones. I slept a lot more than I did previously. I think a lot of stress and emotions from the last couple of months, are finding their way out now that I feel comfortable, safe and I am more relaxed than I’ve been in years, as far as I can remember. I feel content with all somehow. No idea how that came about.
Today my life will once again change. A little dog by the name of “Binkie” enters. He got caught in the huge changes in the life’s of other people and might end up in an animal refuge. Three and a half years old he is. And in a couple of hours he’ll arrive at his new home.
I’m sure his soon to be previous owners took good care of him with enough love and attention. So he’ll miss them. Heck, he’ll even miss them if they maltreated him (which is not the case BTW). He’s been with them for years and knows no other place to be his home. He never chose for this big change.
And still he got it. I’ll help him through this rough period in his life. I’ve been in changes with huge impact recently and I can understand how things can be scary at a deep level. How you can feel very uncomfortable and insecure during the big moves in your life. And how change can mean you come to a better place, maybe even just because you go through the change.
No cause, no effect
I’ll teach the dog a trick or two. It’s the type of dog that loves to please his owner and wants to work with you. But inevitably I’ll be the one learning from him. His training will be my training.
Ultimately for Binkie it doesn’t really matter why I got him. The dog has no way of understanding history or future, no way to understand altruistic or selfish reasons (which as far as I’m concerned, can go hand in hand). All I need to do for him is create the best home possible in every moment he’s with me.
It’s like what I could do for myself: create the best home possible in every moment of life, no matter what turns it takes, no matter cause or effect. The best home possible in every aspect and in any given situation.
Let’s go for it, Binkie! Lets travel together from now on.
Flaming ball in the skies
Life breaks out fully *)
Shu Jo Mu Hen Sei Gan Do
Sentient beings are numberless, I vow to save them.
Originally in Dutch:
Vlammende bol in de lucht
Leven breekt vol uit*)
This mornings sunrise just left me breathless:
And yet it made me feel very much alive and privileged!
The drought is horrible for the plant life. Really. Flowers and young plants are perishing in the dust and dirt that just blows with the wind. But the light is ever so beautiful and everything is in full bloom:
You know the story of the missionary meeting the indigenous man? It’s a very hot and dry day and the man rests quietly in the shade of some trees.
The missionary asks him: “Shouldn’t you get some job?”
“A job?” the man replies. “What’s that?”
“Well,” says the missionary, “A job is when you go out after breakfast to a boss and work for him all day.”
“Hmm…” the man replies, “I can do that, but why would I?”
“With a job you get paid money.”
“And what do I do with that money?”
“You buy food and clothes and pay rent for the house you live in and in the end you get a pension.”
“A pension?” says the man. “What’s that?”
“Then you retire and you can do anything you want.” replies the missionary. “You don’t go to work anymore and during hot and dry days you can quietly rest in the shade of trees.”
This morning the sun was especially bright and red. There is a lot of dust in the sky, also high up apparently. Combined with the smoke from the Easter fires in this region of the Netherlands it is a beauty filter for the suns face. There is a certain coolness in the morning air that is typical for springtime. A dry air just a little above freezing temperature. It doesn’t feel cold, but the hairs on my arms rise and stay risen for hours.
I have nothing to do. Or better yet, I have everything that I want to do. Today I’ll finish tailoring the curtains for the Zendo ? on the grounds of the Hobbitstee where I currently live. And after that I’ll do some walking on the terrain behind the Hobbitstee, where there is heather and woodlands. And during that walk I’ll take a rest and be quiet in the shade of trees for a while.
Somehow I came to live the life that I always rejected with others, but was secretly and seriously envious of. I am this life.
Bonno mu jin sei gan dan
Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to put an end to them.